Toxic Positivity: - A layman’s Perspective

The term “Toxic Positivity,” of late; has often been found trending on & off social media and everywhere in between. Almost like the many learnings that we all have been honored with during the past annus horribilis. From a layman's perspective, it is to conjecture, either through one's own self or via others, that despite an individual being in demanding situation and therein the resultant turmoil, they should only have a positive mindset. Outwardly the concept is not abominable at all. We all have indeed been fed with these morals every now and then, practically since time immemorial.

Now it is quite desirous to possess a cheerful disposition, be positive and favor optimism over pessimism, always. And we all do gyrate away from those who are obviously not so optimistic and instead gravitate towards those who display even a whiff of alacrity. But the real question being, is being positive always beneficial? One must try and decipher toxic positivity mindfully by dwelling upon how one experiences it, rather than making a mindless mad dash to source the answer.

We all have been subjected to positivity and optimism concoctions since our infancy with statements such as “nothing but good vibes,” “positivity begets positivity” or “just keep on being positive” until these very concoctions become an almost heady dose of a numbing drug which result in us ignoring the existence of difficult feelings. Phrases such as “cheer-up” or “just don’t worry” too account to the same, whilst a few of our affiliates even squarely refuse to listen to one's thought about their negative or unfavorable experience, almost akin to personifying the phrase “actions speaking louder than words.” From an amateur's perspective, ignoring all negative feelings or pushing them away can cause a build-up inside us and have an abrogating effect on our mental health.

The need for the hour, however, is not merely providing a feelgood factor and promptly diffusing the situation. Rather, it is about giving a patient ear and understanding the situation. Positivity phrases are akin to “sugar rush "where one is subjected to the feeling of Déjà vu, floating atop the geyser of positivity, only to have the rug pulled from under their feet to experience a sudden crash into the ravines of depressive negativity. And this is exactly where it needs to be told that “it is ok” to face a pitfall, to suffer a setback, to fail for that acknowledges the reality of an individual and the situation that they are in, rather than masking it with some positive adage. For a genteel acknowledgement makes it humane and real.

What is crucial for us is to understand that positivity and negativity are mere two ends of a spectrum. We need to take off our blinkers, for they do not let us see the infinite grey that binds it. Grey an area, where those in their times of need and trouble are only provided with a jab of heady optimism, but without any real solution. We in turn now have slowly, but surely put brakes on our ability to think, rationalize and evolve. Merely making us a crippled version of self.

Humankind has not been propelled to the vast successes that it has amassed as of the day, merely through dreams. They comparably have been achieved only when people have been pushed to the brink of discomfort. And that has come-in by taking stock of the situation that one is in, assessing the pros and cons and working towards alleviating oneself from the doldrums.

And that brings us to the current times of Tech age of today. We somehow or some ways have been affected, albeit, negatively, with our lives and lifestyles being altered. Whilst there is a profound outpouring of positivity posts on social media, in majority hinting at pressing “THAT” like button or affirming by “TYPING” yes. One, then; only needs to use their own collective wisdom amassed over their life experiences and to see and analyze whether in traces or whole the presence of toxic positivity.

To conclude, although not even remotely connected, I cannot but help share a phrase from someone, but which has been soo ingrained in me over the years. “Don't lose your temper, USE your temper.” Simply meaning anger an emotion, although not pleasant and undesirable can still be used to ones benefit rather than the situation benefitting at our expense and that of our annoyance. Similarly, one can indeed benefit from negative situations by using them as a catapult and propel us to greater heights and successes. Whilst positivity is good and always desirable rather, anything for that fact, but only in moderation. For anything which goes beyond moderation often metamorphoses into its toxic avatar. Remember, everything that shines is, NOT always Gold!!!

- Kketan Amarnath Waghmare

#toxicpositivity, #bereal, #mentalhealth, #healing, #thoughts, #selfawareness